32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
