are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
