Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
