I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
