Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
