i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
