Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
