the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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