White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
