just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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