Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
