She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Come on in and take your pants off
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