Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
