I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
