Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
