The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
