There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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