So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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