I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
