Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
