i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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