roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
