I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
