if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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