Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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