I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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