Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
