so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i think i just lost a toe
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
