Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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