I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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