i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
