Ketchup is God's man juice
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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