you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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