My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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