So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
