you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
