I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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