The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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