Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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