You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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