we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
