I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
