I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
