Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
