Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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