Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
