How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
