they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
