You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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