I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
