I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
