I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
