FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
