Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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